I accidentally burped into my bong.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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