dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize