explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
