Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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