i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
