i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
