At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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