Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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