chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
