i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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