Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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