New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
