I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
