she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
