I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
