I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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