i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
