guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
