if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
