dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
