i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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