Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
