I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
