mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
