If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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