i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
