I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
now i know why i became what i already was.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
