I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
