I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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