You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize