His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
