when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize