i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
