how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
