areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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