In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
