I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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