we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
