More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
