I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
