That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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