even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
