porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
