i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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