How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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