Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
