so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
