I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
