Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
