i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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