used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize