How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
