she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
