I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
