She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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