Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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