my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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