Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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