actually, I'm a sock model
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
