and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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