He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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