Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
