Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize