yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
