I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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