I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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