Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
