so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
